Curated Secrets: What It Means To Be With You

You are worth so much more than you think you are!

 

I still remember everything so clearly in my head that very first night we met. You were very reserved and I am always that chatty, annoying brat. I am a woman with unclear life goals. I wanted to do so many things that I tend to change major life plans for like every five months. But unlike everyone else, you made me feel better about myself. You helped me see good in every bad of me. My mind just can’t help going back to the lovely things you said that night and the way it felt so right with you. You just have this amazing way of turning simple sentences into the most beautiful poetry a woman could ever hear.

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Yet, as you carefully utter your words and as I hung unto them, I can’t help to notice the type of person you are. You are a brilliant self-made entrepreneur. Job comes first in all your situations. You have exceptional skills and excels in almost anything you set your sights on. Pretty impressive!

But above all, I chose to hang unto you mainly because like me, you also have your “dark side”. You harbor a painful secret about your very difficult start in life. Right then, I knew you were a perfect grave where I can bury my deepest secrets with. We share deep thoughts and I hoped that we may find balance between our need of mere companionship and hide the wounds from our pasts. And maybe, just maybe, we can find something more from each other. Yes, more than just a mere companionship.

But as months passed by, our conversations got shorter until almost nothing. I don’t know how it happened. The days just went by and the conversations we used to have about everything became one way street, between me and your one-word responses. The wave of “deadness” that submerged into our unlabeled relationship after the first thrilling months have caused me to lose hope. I tried to tell you but just when I started, you turned your back and walked away like you don’t give a damn.

Days got worse that there were no longer holding hands situation other than just walking me out of the bar and leading me upstairs to your studio. Yes, you called me ‘baby’ at 4AM but i know you no longer mean it. The way you held my face or ran your fingers through my hair and wrap your arms around me just became so meaningless.

Now I am confused. Are you just busy? or did I do something wrong? I don’t really know. There are so many possibilities but there are only few questions wandering in my head. Why did you tell me all those things that night? Why did you made me feel so special? Why did you said all those things you knew would lure me into you? Why did you made me so vulnerable and then feel like nothing? Why are you now leaving me hanging onto something instead of just telling me straight in the eye?

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A part of me, just a tiny part of me, is a little saddened by this. I wish I could ask you all these. But a bigger part of me knows better. A bigger part of me knows not to dwell on the pain. A bigger part of me is just too empty to care. In the very first place, there was never an us. I knew that I will never be that girl you will fall in love with. I knew that you are just too successful to settle with such an incompetent woman like me. Yes, I knew all that. Yet, I allowed myself to be trapped spontaneously to this dreadful emotion. I allowed myself to give us a chance. But I hoped for too much and now I messed up. Now, I messed my heart, again.

But then, don’t be too confident that you know me well enough. I may be very submissive and very open to you from the start, but I have been keeping some for myself. I have been through hell in life not to learn to save some strength. Yes! I maybe be struggling for now but I can’t wait for that day when I am finally done persuading myself to hold on to you; that day when I can finally learn to tell you that what it means to be with you now is no longer that typical butterfly-inducing kind of feeling.

And most of all, I can’t wait for that day when I can finally tell you one of the greatest curated secrets from you —- that I am not stupid. I maybe confused with my life plans for now because I have too many great plans. But no, I am not stupid. One day, I will be able to figure out what’s best for me and find my worth because I know I am so much more than the worth you gave me. And when I do, you will regret that you chose not to care and broke me down instead. When I do, I will make sure that the only thing you can do is fill your heart with sorrow and watch me soar because I have grown so much stronger  and I WILL NEVER EVER BE COMING BACK TO YOU.

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THEME: CURATED SECRETS – is a come back photo portfolio of Archetype Images by Mhar Villaester  that depicts the curated secrets of a vulnerable heart in modern dating.
MODELS: Aby Nable and Ian De Guzman
Make-Up Artist: Angel Trajano Albino
LOCATION: Oakwood Studios Singapore – A Best Kept Secret Luxurious Serviced Apartment in Town that Pampers and Indulges the Millennial Mindset

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Open When Letters: A Perfect Gift For Loved Ones

Few months back, my man has to be away for a while (until now -.-). It is quite sad. There are really some things in life that goes beyond our control. We just have to accept it, be patient and strong. Anyways, he was going through difficult times back then. Three days before he had to go I knew I wanted to give him something but I just couldn’t figure what it is. If you have followed my previous blogs about giving presents, I am not that type of person who just simply buy stuff outside. I love making them on my own and sprinkle some personal touch.  So, I searched online and ended up making him some “OPEN WHEN LETTERS”. I know I can’t fix all his problems (sometimes I can make them even worse for being such a drama queen. wOoopss! #girlmoodswings) But at least I hope it may somehow help us while we are apart or especially when he is  feeling down.

Open When Letters are some letters or packages that you give to someone important to you (like your man/girl, a family member, a close friend…) Each letter is supposed to be opened on a very specific occasion. It reminds me of the book PS : I love you, in which the female protagonist has to open each month a letter written by her beloved husband who just died. These letters helped her to overcome her loss and become stronger. They were so full of love and showed how much her husband knew her. I really loved the idea (and the book, you must read it if you haven’t !).

Anyways, I learned about this idea from Pinterest (there are really a lot of amazing stuff from there). I added some exciting twists on it. If you check online, you can mostly find just about 10 example letters. For me, I got 26! ^_^ I hope it is enough to cover while we are away. In every letters, I left a space for him behind in case he feels like writing back (in response). I’d love to read them when I finally get to see him again. I also got someone to keep my letters secured. Who? Keep reading.. 😉

THE LETTERS

Here are the 26 letters I made:

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I am sorry. The photo above is not that clear so I have listed them out for you:

  1. Open when….. you first received these letters
    • It’s about why I am giving him the letters and the rules. Yes! There are rules! Here you go:
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  2. Open when….. you are sad
  3. Open when….. you are happy
  4. Open when….. you are super tired
  5. Open when….. you need a good laugh
  6. Open when….. you need a hug
  7. Open when…. I am being grumpy
  8. Open when…. you are sick
  9. Open when…. you are bored
  10. Open when…. you are stressed
  11. Open when…. every 18th of the month
  12. Open when…. you are worried about the future
  13. Open when…. you don’t feel attractive
  14. Open when…. you need a reminder of how much I love you
  15. Open when…. you miss me and our dates
  16. Open when…. you need a cuddle
  17.  Open when…. you can’t sleep
  18. Open when….. you need a motivation
  19. Open when….. you are mad at me
  20. Open when….. you are mad (but not at me)
  21. Open when….. you are having a bad day
  22. Open when….. you are crying
  23. Open when…. we are having a fight / misunderstanding
  24. Open when…. you are jealous
  25. Open when….. you are in love with someone else
  26. Open when…. you want to break-up

They are just ordinary envelopes which are made out of recycled papers. I cut them according to my desired size (considering the size of my box of course). I drew some cutie stuff on it to make it more colorful, more interesting and more exciting to open. Inside are a bunch of our sweet and crazy photos, some cute clip arts, mind games, short stories, my favorites quotations and my personal messages according to each topic in the letter. If you want to make your own and you need help on what to put inside, feel free to let me know. I’d be happy can help! (:

Below are some of the photos of the letters that he have already opened and shared with me. He had already written some stuffs behind too which is only meant for me to read so I blurred them off. Opps! Sorry! ^_^

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THE BOX

So here’s the one whom I have entrusted my letters to. Her name is Yana! 😀

I wanted my letters to be handy, safe, secured and creative as much as possible so I bought a box from Daiso (Yep, it’s for S$ 2. 00!). And since I love digital painting, I painted a face of a girl and pasted it on the cover of the box (glad the colors were nicely matched!). I named her Yana which stands for You Are Never Alone”. Whenever he feels emotional at some point, Yana is a reminder that in every up & down moments that he encounters, he is never alone. He got me….inside Yana! 😀

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Some people would say that we put too much effort in a relationship that will not last long (and all those negative vibes). For me, I don’t really care. I am aware of the consequences and I am happy I did it especially he’s been through a lot recently. And in general, I do things in my own decision. Just never be afraid to take steps in showing your love especially when they’ve been always there for you. Savior every opportunity while it’s still there and while you still can.

I hope you enjoyed this article and gave you an idea on how to do yours for your loved ones – boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, brothers, sisters, parents, best friends and all! Cheers! 🙂